Have you ever wondered if your child is being groomed by a sexual predator? Well, in this post I’m going to share with you the exact process that sexual predators go through to try to groom children so that you can be aware of. Hey guys, welcome to Waypoint Parenting. My name is Jared and I’m a children’s pastor and Biblical counselor. If this is your very first time at our channel, I’d encourage you to subscribe so that you can get more videos like this. None of us ever wants to think that our child might be the victim of sexual abuse. It’s a terrifying thought. Now, there’s actually a process that these child predators go through and it follows a very similar pattern over and over again. And we’re going to talk about what are the steps or stages that they will go through to try to groom your child. But, before we do that, let’s talk a little bit about what is grooming? What do we mean by that? Well grooming is simply the process of trying to initiate a relationship with your child and then trying to develop trust so that your child will put down his defenses and trust this person in this relationship and build a connection.
Once that connection has been established, then they will try to initiate some kind of abusive relationship. So what are the steps that a sexual predator might go through? Let’s talk about it. First, a child predator is going to try to target a specific type of victim. Now, back in the old days, for a child predator to target your child they had to actually go meet them in person or be around them in person. But, with the advent of new technology and things like Facebook messenger and Snapchat, they don’t actually have to go meet your child in person.
We may need to learn what is Hebephile Traits. Before They can meet them online. The next thing this person is going to try to do is a little bit of recon or research about your child. They are going to try to find out what can I learn about this child, where does he struggle that I can meet a need that he has? What is missing from his life that I could provide? And a child predator might even try to befriend you as a parent. They might try to build a relationship with you. Another tactic of these child predators is that they will go online if your child is on social media, they’ll look at your child’s profile. They’ll see what kind of stuff they are posting about, what are they interested in? What do they like to do in their free time? Where are they hanging out in their free time? And then they might try to position themselves in those places or they might try to bring up those topics with your child and make a connection and say, “hey, I like the same things as well, pretty cool.” Now the third part of the grooming process is that the sexual predator is now going to try to fill a need that your child has. It may be by giving him gifts, it may be by tutoring him, it may be by providing him with some kind of financial assistance, or maybe even just inviting him to have a good time doing something that is very special that apart from this predator he would never have access to. But, it all began by trying to meet a need that the child has or provide something to the child that was of value and that created this sense of gratitude in the eyes of the child of, Wow, this person really cares for me.
Now, the fourth stage is that this child sexual predator is then going to try to attempt to isolate this child from you the parent and from peers. Now, one way the predator might do this is to invite your child to special outings. Maybe he’ll offer to take him camping or maybe he’ll offer to take him to an amusement park or some other kind of special outing together just the two of them. Now, one of the rules of thumb when it comes to preventing child sexual abuse is the rule of supervision. In other words, the more supervision that you have, the less likely it is that your child is going to be abused. That’s why a child predator works so hard to try to isolate your child and get them to spend time with them somewhere where there is no one else around to watch, no one else to keep an eye on what’s happening. Now, another tactic that a child predator will use is to try to create a culture of secrecy within the relationship. No a lot of times the very first thing they’ll try to do is to get your child to keep little small secrets. Maybe they gave your child a gift, or gave them a piece of candy or gave them a little money and they say, ‘Don’t tell anybody about this.’
And they are trying to test your child to see, will he lie for me? Also, can I train him to begin to get into a habit of lying to his parents about our relationship and what I’m providing for him. Now the next stage of the grooming process is where it really takes a turn for the worse. This is when the child predator attempts to sexualize the relationship. Now the way they attempt to do this is to gradually desensitize your child to the sexual nature of their relationship. Sometimes it begins with them looking at pornography or showing pornography to your child. Sometimes it even begins with them maybe touching your child inappropriately and pretending it was an accident. What the child predator is attempting to do is to desensitize your child to sexual touch. And he’ll do it a little bit, the little bit at a time until he extends it to the point where your child is engaged in full-blown sexual activity without even realizing how it happened.
Now the next stage of the grooming process, once the relationship has become sexual the child predator will then try to maintain control somehow of the relationship and keep it a secret so that the abuse can continue without anyone finding out. There are also probably threatening to take away the gifts that they’ve given them, withdraw their relationship, scaring your child and saying if you tell somebody I’ll go to jail and then I’m going to get in big trouble and you’re also going to get in big trouble. They’re going to take you away from your family. They are trying to do everything that they can to continue this relationship without getting found out, without your child telling anybody. So, here’s the question, how do you know if your child is being groomed? Well, I”m going to give you some things to think about that will help you know if the answer is yes or no. Now, it’s important for you to know as a parent that there are some people out there who are just nice to your kids and any single one of these things may not be a reason to be too alarmed. But, a combination of these things should raise some red flags in your mind.
One thing that you should be on the lookout for is people who just seem to come into your life out of nowhere and show an interest in your child. You have to ask yourself why is this person so interested in my child. Why is he wanting to invest so much in this relationship with my child? Another thing that should really cause you to be alarmed is when you notice an adult sending private messages to your child through Facebook messenger or snap chat or any of these other social messaging apps that’s a big red flag. Another thing that you should be on the watch for is people who are giving your child gifts maybe they give them some money or maybe they buy them school supplies or maybe they offer to give them some other kind of gift. They could just be being nice, but, they also could be trying to gain your child’s trust and win their affection. Now, the biggest red flag in my opinion and I think I already mentioned it before is if a person tries to spend time with your child unsupervised.
That is the biggest red flag because they’re going to need to be alone with your child for sexual abuse to take place. Now, as I’m talking about this, if you’re thinking about your child and think, you know I’m afraid that my child maybe is being groomed. What is it that you can do to stop that? One of the very first things you need to do is make sure that your child and this person that you suspect of grooming them do no longer have any more contact. They aren’t seeing each other, they’re not talking to each other, they’re not around each other any more. Another thing you can do if you aren’t ready to take that step is just to talk to your child and find out what it is that you guys do together. Find out is this person sending them messages or are they giving them gifts or what kind of things are you guys doing when you are together. What kind of conversations are you having, is there any kind of inappropriate touch that is taking place. Just ask your child straight up, what’s going on when you guys are together.
Another thing that you can do that is kind of a preventative measure is just talk to your child about safe touch and inappropriate touch let them know that these kinds of touches are okay- a pat on the back, a high five- those kinds of touches are okay these kinds of touches are not okay. Anything that’s in your private area. Anywhere that makes you feel uncomfortable that’s not okay. If your child confesses to you that they have been abused, you need to take that seriously. You need to report that to law enforcement, you need to report it to the appropriate authorities in your area. I’m going to include some links in the description below that you can find places that you can contact to get help. If you found the information in this video helpful and you believe this is a message that every parent needs to know, do us a favour and hit the thumbs up button and share this video on your Facebook page. I want to encourage you to hit that subscribe button so that you can get more videos like this every single week. And if you are a part of the Waypoint parenting community, I want to remind you that God has called you to be your child’s parent and He’s going to be with you every single step of the way. So, until next time, keep pointing your kids to Christ..